I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
