the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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