why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
