he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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