The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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