He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
