I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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