girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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