I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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