White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
