I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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