Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
What a dumb baby whore.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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