i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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