So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
