matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
