now i know why i became what i already was.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
