Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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