Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
