i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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