listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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