I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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