i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
