If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
