I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
