yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
FUCK WHALES
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
