Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
