dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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