so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
there's paper in my vomit.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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