I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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