dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize