"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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