She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
