He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
