im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
