my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
