we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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