But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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