It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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