It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
