Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
