he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
