have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
