I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
