Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's blow job season.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
