What a fucking waste of an outfit
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
