I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
