Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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