I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
