life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
