If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize