i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
