i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
