worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
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Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
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Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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