I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
