there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
