Whoa Z and x make the same sound
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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