Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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