Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
