You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
