dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
